SAVED AS DRAFT

Originally written in 2012.  

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

 

The empty chairs around the dining table, the emptiness of the hall, left me in deep grief. No one around, no real people to love and cherish, I felt like a complete stranger to myself. The number of unwashed coffee cups measured my distress.  A vandalized relationship, a broken trust, the fear of falling in love again, broke me apart. With a ray of hope, the dusk waited for me to fall asleep.

The shadows played hide- and- seek under the eyes of the growing sun. The dawn offered an oblivion of the past. The phone bell rang and asked, “Sarthak’s residence?” I drifted apart and then gaining balance in some fraction of time. The voice from the other end of the phone went again “Sarthak’s residence?” I stabilized myself. My voice, it cracked and I answered him “No, it’s not. Wrong Number. This is Kavita’s residence.” The call cut off. My eyes, tears rolled down. The salty water touched my lips.

All that I longed for was a call, a call for him. A call from Salil. The void in my heart, it increased each day, especially when the phone bell rings. The cool breeze that came along the rainy weather didn’t seem to offer me any pleasure. The violet curtain played with the wind. I switched on my laptop, added a few of my favourites to the playlist and started opening different folders on my D: drive one by one. I hid my memories with Salil in form of pictures. One by one a total of 163 pictures popped up on the screen. I did call up Salil quite a few times after the breakup but every time being either he was busy or never picked the call up.

Like a motion film, the time it fled into memories from the past. Every time someone caresses me, I remembered him. I wondered whether he missed me too. I knew the answer, but, my heart and my brain quarrelled over facts and emotions. My very inner being tortured her up.

Suddenly courage ran down my veins, mixed with my blood, seeing us happy together, I haven’t declared surrender yet. I opened my Gmail account. I believed in my love and have a complete faith in it. The screen flashed for an email id and a password. I punched in a few keys and the display showed signing in. The server was quite down; it took some 4 minute to log in to my account. 580 unread messages in the inbox. I didn’t care about it. 12 emails from my boss itself with the subject “Urgent action needed”. I haven’t been attending office calls or even visiting my workplace since past month. The corporate sector didn’t please me much now. I was on the verge of losing my job; my career was at a state of risk. I dragged the mouse towards the words “Compose mail”. A blank mail window opened.

To salil_r2002@gmail.com
CC
BCC
Subject My heart longs for You…

I lowered the volume of my laptop so that only faint murmurs of my favourite songs were heard in the background. An utter silence in the room. I lived here all by myself, alone, for the past two months.

I punched the first few words.

“History, it never dies. Flashbacks of memories I spent with you follows my footsteps. Being away from you is the hardest decision I made. Regretting over the same isn’t ensuring your comeback.  I know, but the memories, they do come back. They don’t accept “no” for an answer. Our stories are only wrapped in time’s treasure box like precious stones. The dust of time cannot rust it away. Only its brilliance increases with time. Exhilaration! I still long for you. I long for a call. A kiss. A touch. My soul it still awakens for you. Do you still love me? Do you still long for me? I don’t know these. All I know is that I do. I just want you to know that, if a man has ever pulled my heartstrings, then it is you. It has always been you. And am quite aware it will always be you.

Dusky nights follow,
The awakened soul of mine immersed in love,
Scribbled name of yours, never had blurred,
The wind charms playing your music,
Sweet smiles that kiss our lips,
Coffee cups still warm,
The smudged Kajal speaks nothing
But a thousand truths covered under a lie.

Love,
Kavita.

I made a quick paused again. Wind swept the floors. The sun played hiding behind the skyscrapers. Twilight followed. I dragged the mouse towards the send button. A smile and a teardrop rolled. A thought lit up. “What if he has moved on? What if this mail brings nothing but pain to him? A series of questions poured out. Unanswered as always. I pressed the SAVE AS DRAFT button.

A few seconds later the screen flashed with words “Message saved as Draft.”

I desperately ran down the hallway towards the kitchen. Opened the Godrej Refrigerator and scooped me some vanilla ice-cream. The phone bell rang again. It didn’t bother me much. Minutes later it rang again. Irritated with the broken silence I angrily moved towards the phone. With a few rings left, I picked it up. “Who the hell is it?” I grumbled and questioned.

A manly voice answered from the other end. A voice filled with emotions. A voice having nothing but love in it. A voice so very known. “Hello, Kavita? It’s me, Salil.”

 

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

 

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Wrapped

And I caught a glimpse of you today
Pressed inside a decade-old book,
A Red rose wrapped in brown pages,
Unscented and Dead.

 

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

 

Oh Lovers!

Day 8 of NaPoWriMo, Prompt – write poems in which mysterious and magical things occur. Your poem could take the form of a spell, for example, or simply describe an event that can’t be understood literally.

There once danced a river by that big rock,
She sang the melodies of the old country maid,
The one banished, the one in love,
The one who was “The One“!
She whispered, Oh so softly, “Close your eyes,
Grounded feet, you young ones. The moon’s out,
Hear the children of this night sing!
Row, Row a little harder. Let me take you,
Across and Away. Far and Gay. Let me, Oh Lovers!
Motionless you may not sit, for this night
Is wild as a forest fire, It may eat you alive,
This thirst for blood I hold within, will
Gulp you raw. This is a saga. This is a poem.
This is a mystery and This is the so-called history.
There once, stood a man, A man you see,
This poem he is. He wrote letters of love, to
The one named “NEVER TO BE LOVED“. He engulfed
his pride, dethroned because of his wife.
The truth…” answered the crystal ball. “Wake up!
This is your last call.” He the King, chained,
unarmed, stood for his last battle. With smoked
Sky, the windchimes rhyme, He was called,
To never to be answered. “That Woman, That No One,
She should be burnt alive! The truth that is!” said,
The Crystal Ball. Rushed, 10 horses, Oh so white,
Away from light, into the woods, shredded her to pieces,
Ripped her soul apart, Cursed was then, Banished!
Never to be human. Never to be “The One“, The woman,
The one named “NEVER TO BE LOVED“.
Turned to a river, to wash the paths we walked,
To water the barren earth we built houses on,
To quench the thirst of the lovers hidden.
Oh, she turned into this river, to sing,
The tales of her love, The truth of her love,
The sorrow of her love and The agony of her love.
So row, Oh merry ones, Let me take you,
Across and Away. Far and Gay. Let me, Oh Lovers!

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

#82

And the truth is, I don’t know,
And probably I never will,
All I know, Was that I knew,
That to love you, was love
That to hate you, was love
That my heart was engraved,
And ‘Forever’ meant “
All of the Above”!

 

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

Our’s is the kind of Love…

Our’s is the kind of love you read in novels,
The ones that touch your soul, and melts your heart.
And my love for you is Old,
Born way before our time,
It’s a look that keeps us warm,
Like sipping on that glass of fine wine.
And we loved, to not be together,
To not die together, But we loved.
Like old tales sing, we never gazed,
But you are the sun that hits my face,
And I am the wind that caresses your neck,
So Look up, for our’s is the kind of love that makes the sky rain.

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

Ramen Rants

I want a love story. I want Romance. I want to have that head over heels kind of feeling for someone. For something. For me. I want to have my own version of the Titanic. A parallel universe version wherein the ship of my life didn’t sink. Where Jack didn’t die on me. Where Rose decides to share. Where we were rather in some hot tub than the North Atlantic Ocean. I want to have my own version of “500 Days of Summer” where I knew,  Summer was indeed at the end somebody’s Autumn. I want to be the Michael Cera of my movies, where I am the narrator as well as the main hero, and that after being torn between the page of my life, I will have the perfect end. I want to not be juggling my emotions every night, arguing with myself and having a quarter-life existential crisis. I want a million things. But I want to do these million things with this one version of me. I want to be a million version of that perfect ending.” The writer wrote haphazardly as she wept about how Cyrus at the end of the movie asks Carrie Pilby for her middle name!

 

P.S. I had Ramen for dinner. That image is not of the Ramen that I had.

For You, Forever

I find me
An unsung hero, in your eyes,
In the lustful stories of your mind,
The tender kisses of our lips that never touched
Through the lightyears between our bodies, never twined,
I find me
Like the scent of my fears
Like knowing that the wanting of being wanted,
I might make it there, someday,
Just to be apart by a whisker, From you,
I find me
More in your laughs, Than in me of course,
Like that uncasted shadow of your presence,
Lingers, Inseparable you are, My dear, I fear,
Just how the poets praised, And sonnets sang,
I find me,
Above the ground, more towards holy,
Defeated you are, as I Surrender in your arms,
And I shall wait, for time to reverse, for seasons to change,
And for the sky to burn in flames, For you, Forever.

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

Try

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-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

Rhyme

Take a peep inside my damaged soul,
I know you think it shines like gold.
Look into these eyes, Riddle me this,
Solve my delusions with your kiss.
Trapped inside, Teach me how to love,
For I need to learn to rise above.
This ladder of life, that I need to climb
Show me, for without you I cannot rhyme.

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

To breathe life into my Soul

Like a parasite, she crawled beneath my skin,
Into my life, the demon in her dancing,
With the angels of my existence, Meddling,
Trembling, Suffocating, Clenching her fingers,
She pulled me closer, To breathe life into my soul.

 

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair