HOPE.

I am an old, rusted, rare tree,
Trying to scrape off my bark
Willing to make a new start.
Like a moth shedding its skin,
I am growing, scaring, healing,
I am here with hope in my heart.

 

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

Advertisements

Post #68

I think I know
Calm down! Not of your sins,
Nor of what you did last summer.
I think I know,
Of the days growing shorter,
With the approach of winter,
I know of the nights being colder,
With my tea steeped in warm water.
But did you know,
I use the same tea bag for multiple infusions
I watch the colour fade away each time,
Just like the autumn leaves fall.
I suppose I love it here,
Just to wake up each morning
By my imperfect flawed self,
And see that I am raw.I am beautiful.
Maybe I’ll swing this poem on my wall,
I’ll appreciate myself for once today,
For twice, For thrice, Forever,
Cos I have stumbled upon this thing,
This thing named TIME,
And It so happens that time might be-
A friend In disguise,
Time says whats unsaid,
That its time to look within,
That its time to breathe,
That its time to laugh harder,
That its time to live.

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

My depression

My depression is a war,
And I am a lone warrior.
Fighting with myself, Everyday
There is no one beside me,
There is no one here who might possibly win me.
My friend, she talks about the texts she received yesterday
I wish I could tell her, I cried myself to sleep last night
I wish I could show her the scars on my soul
That numb feeling that I get every time I laugh
That numbness like a cold winter night
Leaving me in pain, leaving me helpless.
I know that I don’t show it, but I’m miserable
I feel I let you down, Mom!
I feel I am responsible for the bad things in our lives
I feel I’m the root cause of our problems
I wish I could tell you,
This journey I’m on seems to have a dead end
I wish I could show you but things are foggy
And I’m so tired to fight
I close my eyes, and I count
One, Two, Three,
But my problems just multiply
Two, Four, Nine, Infinite.
And I forgot how to sleep
If I paint my brain out,
It’s a splatter of black and white
I wish I could splash the colours from the rainbow
And fill my heart with life.
Deep breaths. In, Out,
Out of the bed, Sip some coffee,
Another day, another battle,
Trouble existing, Trouble functioning
No one has yet noticed,
Maybe no one ever will,
But in this deep sea of my sorrow,
I will find the surface,
I will learn to survive,
I will learn as I refuse to drown.

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

Mental health problems can affect anyone on any day of the year. Talk about it. Mental Health Matters. 

Image result for mental health day

Of life, Of time, Of space

And yes I am tired
Not of life, not of time, not of space.
You see, I did live, so far, so gay,
With each day, I was more of a human,
Laughing, Crying, Defecating human,
With each song, learning a new emotion.
But still, I am tired
And my daily intake of caffeine, so high
You can measure it from my blood pressure,
Sudden but spiked, Just like Seeing you
Triggers in me an attack of tachycardia.
I am tired but chaotic,
Trust me when I say this,
The comfort of my bed is something that I no more seek
Mom says, I shouldn’t be drinking coffee!
To value her words I switched to tea,
Endless cups of tea,
Brewed to perfection, aromatic,
Peaceful Tea.
But here I am again,
Typing in these words,
I am tired
But not of life, not of time, not of space
No amount of sleep can put me to rest
No amount of hope can put me to peace
No amount of noise can put me to silence
For I am tired
But not of life, not of time, not of space.

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

Sky High

Let me paint you a life across the sky,
To view it you’ll have to spread your wings and fly
Jump through that canopy and use it as a ladder
Through those rough winds, you might have to push a lil harder.
But look at this image, painted in red, orange and yellow, 
Like that breeze of the ocean, warm sun and the tone so mellow
My love, Let me paint you a life across that sky, 
Together, where you and I, will eat, sleep and cry.

Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

What is your answer?

“London, that great cesspool into which all the loungers and idlers of the Empire are irresistibly drained.” Sir Arthur Conan Doyle describes London as a great pool of blood, and human waste, that he, a free man was naturally gravitated to. The British empire of which London was (and still is) the capital naturally attracted all kinds of people. But then again this was a picture painted of a Dickensian London. 

Like Sir Arthur, my attraction towards adventure brought me all the way here to the soil of Shakespeare, the rich, the poor, the expensive, fast-paced, London. And as I sit on my 3/4 double bed and glance at my duvet spreading, which ironically is an image of London’s view points, I wonder if London has always been a question with multiple choice answers to it. In the silence of this night, through that tiny window of my room, I still hear the racing bikes, probably young men chasing the night sky light. Afar from here, I glance over those tall, gigantic, man-made buildings, where you go to spend half of your lives, 9 to 5, every day, so that you can afford to pay the tax, the rent and the living of this mighty city. As I jot down these characters displayed on my screen, it’s 22:11 GMT and these man-made architectures still have their lights on, no humans around. It’s much of a satisfaction to think that these people, after a long day of work have gone back to the HOPEs of their lives, their family, their friends, their pets, and some to themselves. And like every other day the cycle of their 9 to 5 jobs continue, but even in this hazard Londoners lead their lives royally on the days labeled “BANK HOLIDAYS”.

London, A place where a cup of tea is like a sip of water, chips is a staple diet that you eat with anything and everything, beer, the nation’s favourite drink, where the pigeons have more sass than you, sarcasm is your everyday language and love is your religion. Multicultural, festivals, pubs, some other words describing this cesspool. Where differences are not tolerated but celebrated, love is kind and compassionate, people are more than just polite, they are caring, an act of random kindness is the homeless guy feeding a dog, humans opening up their homes to the needed, whenever and wherever in need. London, a place that just asks your participation. So coming back to this 3/4 double bed of mine, a heater on the side wall, which I barely turn on, I ask myself again, London, a question with many multiple choice answers, What is your answer?

Rhyme

Take a peep inside my damaged soul,
I know you think it shines like gold.
Look into these eyes, Riddle me this,
Solve my delusions with your kiss.
Trapped inside, Teach me how to love,
For I need to learn to rise above.
This ladder of life, that I need to climb
Show me, for without you I cannot rhyme.

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

To breathe life into my Soul

Like a parasite, she crawled beneath my skin,
Into my life, the demon in her dancing,
With the angels of my existence, Meddling,
Trembling, Suffocating, Clenching her fingers,
She pulled me closer, To breathe life into my soul.

 

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

Two

Love, I’d love to be in love with you.
But I do, I do dream to be with someone else too.
Curse me, for in this room, here, I only think of you
But believe me, I say, We are meant to be Two.

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

Life #7

And I loved, like I’ve never loved before
And I lived, like I’ve never lived before
And I was, my being, like I’ve never seen
To love myself, Was to love indeed.
 

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair