Complex.

Run
Stop!
Chaos
Outcry
Breathe
Initiate
Magnitude
Complexify
Rhythmizing
Acknowledged
Diffi∼cult-to-define

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-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

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HOPE.

I am an old, rusted, rare tree,
Trying to scrape off my bark
Willing to make a new start.
Like a moth shedding its skin,
I am growing, scaring, healing,
I am here with hope in my heart.

 

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

Winter.

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Post #68

I think I know
Calm down! Not of your sins,
Nor of what you did last summer.
I think I know,
Of the days growing shorter,
With the approach of winter,
I know of the nights being colder,
With my tea steeped in warm water.
But did you know,
I use the same tea bag for multiple infusions
I watch the colour fade away each time,
Just like the autumn leaves fall.
I suppose I love it here,
Just to wake up each morning
By my imperfect flawed self,
And see that I am raw.I am beautiful.
Maybe I’ll swing this poem on my wall,
I’ll appreciate myself for once today,
For twice, For thrice, Forever,
Cos I have stumbled upon this thing,
This thing named TIME,
And It so happens that time might be-
A friend In disguise,
Time says whats unsaid,
That its time to look within,
That its time to breathe,
That its time to laugh harder,
That its time to live.

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

My depression

My depression is a war,
And I am a lone warrior.
Fighting with myself, Everyday
There is no one beside me,
There is no one here who might possibly win me.
My friend, she talks about the texts she received yesterday
I wish I could tell her, I cried myself to sleep last night
I wish I could show her the scars on my soul
That numb feeling that I get every time I laugh
That numbness like a cold winter night
Leaving me in pain, leaving me helpless.
I know that I don’t show it, but I’m miserable
I feel I let you down, Mom!
I feel I am responsible for the bad things in our lives
I feel I’m the root cause of our problems
I wish I could tell you,
This journey I’m on seems to have a dead end
I wish I could show you but things are foggy
And I’m so tired to fight
I close my eyes, and I count
One, Two, Three,
But my problems just multiply
Two, Four, Nine, Infinite.
And I forgot how to sleep
If I paint my brain out,
It’s a splatter of black and white
I wish I could splash the colours from the rainbow
And fill my heart with life.
Deep breaths. In, Out,
Out of the bed, Sip some coffee,
Another day, another battle,
Trouble existing, Trouble functioning
No one has yet noticed,
Maybe no one ever will,
But in this deep sea of my sorrow,
I will find the surface,
I will learn to survive,
I will learn as I refuse to drown.

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

Mental health problems can affect anyone on any day of the year. Talk about it. Mental Health Matters. 

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Of life, Of time, Of space

And yes I am tired
Not of life, not of time, not of space.
You see, I did live, so far, so gay,
With each day, I was more of a human,
Laughing, Crying, Defecating human,
With each song, learning a new emotion.
But still, I am tired
And my daily intake of caffeine, so high
You can measure it from my blood pressure,
Sudden but spiked, Just like Seeing you
Triggers in me an attack of tachycardia.
I am tired but chaotic,
Trust me when I say this,
The comfort of my bed is something that I no more seek
Mom says, I shouldn’t be drinking coffee!
To value her words I switched to tea,
Endless cups of tea,
Brewed to perfection, aromatic,
Peaceful Tea.
But here I am again,
Typing in these words,
I am tired
But not of life, not of time, not of space
No amount of sleep can put me to rest
No amount of hope can put me to peace
No amount of noise can put me to silence
For I am tired
But not of life, not of time, not of space.

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

If they could.

If these cement covered brick walls could talk,
They would agree on what a beautiful person I am.
They would tell you the tales of my happiness,
Whisper you the secrets that I shared in confidence,
They would count you the hours that I wept
They would stress you the time I caught my breath.
If these cement covered brick walls could talk,
They would sing a tale of how they’ve been my rock.

 

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

 

Try

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-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

Would you?

If I showed you my pain,
Would you store them all or will it be in vain?
Would you scavenge them down,
Or would I make you feel like a clown?
I might get a little teary,
But would you write them in a story?
I know it would be sad, but I’m sorry!
As private as you want, you may keep,
But would you sleep beside and hear me weep?
Or would I come across as a creep?
If I showed you my pain,
Would you show me your own?
Or in this rain would I be alone?

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

Cold.

I am an emotionally vulnerable soul,
You don’t see, but I hide behind this smile
Beyond that red painted lips is a blue cry
Those tears that inflame my eyes and drip
These tears roll down to drench me in agony
But still, I flex the muscles at the sides of my mouth
Hear, Hear. I hear a laugh of my misery.
Yes, I am an emotionally vulnerable soul,
You don’t see, but I am dying inside cold.

 

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair