Originally written in 2012.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
The empty chairs around the dining table, the emptiness of the hall, left me in deep grief. No one around, no real people to love and cherish, I felt like a complete stranger to myself. The number of unwashed coffee cups measured my distress. A vandalized relationship, a broken trust, the fear of falling in love again, broke me apart. With a ray of hope, the dusk waited for me to fall asleep.
The shadows played hide- and- seek under the eyes of the growing sun. The dawn offered an oblivion of the past. The phone bell rang and asked, “Sarthak’s residence?” I drifted apart and then gaining balance in some fraction of time. The voice from the other end of the phone went again “Sarthak’s residence?” I stabilized myself. My voice, it cracked and I answered him “No, it’s not. Wrong Number. This is Kavita’s residence.” The call cut off. My eyes, tears rolled down. The salty water touched my lips.
All that I longed for was a call, a call for him. A call from Salil. The void in my heart, it increased each day, especially when the phone bell rings. The cool breeze that came along the rainy weather didn’t seem to offer me any pleasure. The violet curtain played with the wind. I switched on my laptop, added a few of my favourites to the playlist and started opening different folders on my D: drive one by one. I hid my memories with Salil in form of pictures. One by one a total of 163 pictures popped up on the screen. I did call up Salil quite a few times after the breakup but every time being either he was busy or never picked the call up.
Like a motion film, the time it fled into memories from the past. Every time someone caresses me, I remembered him. I wondered whether he missed me too. I knew the answer, but, my heart and my brain quarrelled over facts and emotions. My very inner being tortured her up.
Suddenly courage ran down my veins, mixed with my blood, seeing us happy together, I haven’t declared surrender yet. I opened my Gmail account. I believed in my love and have a complete faith in it. The screen flashed for an email id and a password. I punched in a few keys and the display showed signing in. The server was quite down; it took some 4 minute to log in to my account. 580 unread messages in the inbox. I didn’t care about it. 12 emails from my boss itself with the subject “Urgent action needed”. I haven’t been attending office calls or even visiting my workplace since past month. The corporate sector didn’t please me much now. I was on the verge of losing my job; my career was at a state of risk. I dragged the mouse towards the words “Compose mail”. A blank mail window opened.
I lowered the volume of my laptop so that only faint murmurs of my favourite songs were heard in the background. An utter silence in the room. I lived here all by myself, alone, for the past two months.
I punched the first few words.
“History, it never dies. Flashbacks of memories I spent with you follows my footsteps. Being away from you is the hardest decision I made. Regretting over the same isn’t ensuring your comeback. I know, but the memories, they do come back. They don’t accept “no” for an answer. Our stories are only wrapped in time’s treasure box like precious stones. The dust of time cannot rust it away. Only its brilliance increases with time. Exhilaration! I still long for you. I long for a call. A kiss. A touch. My soul it still awakens for you. Do you still love me? Do you still long for me? I don’t know these. All I know is that I do. I just want you to know that, if a man has ever pulled my heartstrings, then it is you. It has always been you. And am quite aware it will always be you.
Dusky nights follow,
The awakened soul of mine immersed in love,
Scribbled name of yours, never had blurred,
The wind charms playing your music,
Sweet smiles that kiss our lips,
Coffee cups still warm,
The smudged Kajal speaks nothing
But a thousand truths covered under a lie.
I made a quick paused again. Wind swept the floors. The sun played hiding behind the skyscrapers. Twilight followed. I dragged the mouse towards the send button. A smile and a teardrop rolled. A thought lit up. “What if he has moved on? What if this mail brings nothing but pain to him? A series of questions poured out. Unanswered as always. I pressed the SAVE AS DRAFT button.
A few seconds later the screen flashed with words “Message saved as Draft.”
I desperately ran down the hallway towards the kitchen. Opened the Godrej Refrigerator and scooped me some vanilla ice-cream. The phone bell rang again. It didn’t bother me much. Minutes later it rang again. Irritated with the broken silence I angrily moved towards the phone. With a few rings left, I picked it up. “Who the hell is it?” I grumbled and questioned.
A manly voice answered from the other end. A voice filled with emotions. A voice having nothing but love in it. A voice so very known. “Hello, Kavita? It’s me, Salil.”
-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair