A fiction #3

This is a one-character story.

Part 1: A fiction #1 Part 2: A fiction #2

Diary entry 05/12/2017 04:51 GMT:

Welcome to the Sahara (well, my version of the Sahara). Welcome to my inner mind, the world where I literally have no idea of what’s going on every passing second. Like I was saying the past two days, life hasn’t been all fun lately, it’s a bit more confusing and things are not in place, I am not in the place I thought I’d be. So, taking a look back, what went wrong you may ask? Because I ask this to myself every single day. I had or still have let’s say four jobs- the first: I am a very lovely daughter, second: I am a nightmare of a sister ( but in a good affectionate way), third: I am quite an obedient student and fourth and probably the most important one: I am what I want me to be, I am myself. Of all my jobs, the one that I am failing miserably is the last one, perhaps the most important one. This job requires me to be Me, Simply Me! And be unapologetic about it. But, like that well-furnished piece of carved wood, I have acquired quite a patina to myself with the passing time, and to the point that I am not quite sure if this patina is making my inner, true self, shine more or less.

Now, Tumblr is filled with inspiring quotes, “Life is too short to worry/ to wake up with regrets/ to wait/ to wear boring clothes, etc., etc., etc…..” Hell no!!! Life is the longest thing possible. You are measuring life in teaspoons when life is actually more like that largest wooden spoon Guinness book record holder Romanian spoon (I know this sounds crazy, but yeah, The largest wooden spoon measured 17.79 m (58 ft 4.39 in) in length and 1.50 m (4 ft 11 in) at its widest point and was made by Centrul Cultural Mioveni (Romania) in Mioveni, Romania, on 7 June 2013. The spoon is an outsized replica of a traditional Romanian spoon (Source- The Guinness World Records ) And NO! I don’t have a picture).

So, if my today’s deserted adventure taught me one thing then that would be, CHANGE YOUR MEASURING INSTRUMENTS/ DEVICES, It not always about what you did wrong, or how you did it wrong. It’s more like, Could you use the crumbled cake to make a cookie kind of situation? IMPROVISE!

 

To be continued…

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A fiction #2

This is a one-character story.

Part 1: A fiction #1

Diary entry 04/12/2017 02:51 GMT:

I hate Sundays. I strongly dislike Sundays. I feel that hate is such a harsh word to use. I know that for many people Sunday is a day to relax, refresh, a step aside from their everyday mundane, boring life. But here’s the deal, for a person who lives in their imaginary desert most days of their life, every day seems to be a Sunday. And I don’t want to waste my real Sunday entrapped in a sand-covered place. So this is what I do to avoid Sundays. I sleep through most of it. I wake up at around 18:00 or 19:00 just to avoid the chaos that humans create on a Sunday morning/evening on the roads, the malls, and the restaurants. And don’t even get me started with the malls on weekends, God it’s flooded with a sea of people. Gets my anxiety tickling. So to not keep you hanging on tenterhooks, here’s what happens with the rest of my Sunday, I face the realities and the fears of my life. I go out to the MALL. I know, shocker, right! See, the thing is people don’t go to the mall in the later half after Sunday evening, they’d rather be enjoying dinner at a posh restaurant or stay in at home with their family, and this is the time for me to actually go and shop around. Less crowd, fewer people looking and messing around in the shops, more time for me to roam and find what I’d actually like to buy. And no, I don’t sleep at all later that night or the following morning. I indulge in some kinda productive work. And Sunday is also a day when I actually drink smoothies. I like smoothies. They are cool and healthy.

 

So, yeah don’t like camels and Sundays.  

  To be continued…

A fiction

This is a one-character story.

Diary entry 03/12/2017 02:51 GMT

The last time I wrote something long that really expressed myself and my then emotions was early in 2017. A year goes by and life can take a complete U-turn or divert its path and go somewhere unplanned. The then I had the comfort of my education, a hope of a secured future, family, friends, and ME. After a year’s worth effort, countless hours in front of the screen, endless dinner plates later, I am here, in the midst of a neverending desert. Stranded. Alone. Ready to just be another mirage. And to add to my miseries I have no water, no passersby, no camels ( I know this is a desert, but you should remember that this is a fragment of my imagination so no camels, big teeth, scares me, but would be so reassuring if they were there, to be honest) or a someone/ something that would give me hope of a non-barren green land nearby. To bring you back to reality, I have a complete obsession with tea and of course I carry my tea bags around in this desert I’m stuck in. But here’s the deal, Honey there ain’t no water here.

These pillows are not fluffy, the cold has turned them to stone. I don’t actually mind a hard pillow but it sometimes interrupts my imaginations and pop there breaks my bubble, leaving me alone. Again. So here it is a daily log of my life living as a prisoner to my own imaginations. Stuck in a desert or at least that’s what my head wants me to think of, could have been a cruise but no we are in a desert! At least I plan to age well.

 

To be continued…

Complex.

Run
Stop!
Chaos
Outcry
Breathe
Initiate
Magnitude
Complexify
Rhythmizing
Acknowledged
Diffi∼cult-to-define

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-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

HOPE.

I am an old, rusted, rare tree,
Trying to scrape off my bark
Willing to make a new start.
Like a moth shedding its skin,
I am growing, scaring, healing,
I am here with hope in my heart.

 

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

Winter.

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Post #68

I think I know
Calm down! Not of your sins,
Nor of what you did last summer.
I think I know,
Of the days growing shorter,
With the approach of winter,
I know of the nights being colder,
With my tea steeped in warm water.
But did you know,
I use the same tea bag for multiple infusions
I watch the colour fade away each time,
Just like the autumn leaves fall.
I suppose I love it here,
Just to wake up each morning
By my imperfect flawed self,
And see that I am raw.I am beautiful.
Maybe I’ll swing this poem on my wall,
I’ll appreciate myself for once today,
For twice, For thrice, Forever,
Cos I have stumbled upon this thing,
This thing named TIME,
And It so happens that time might be-
A friend In disguise,
Time says whats unsaid,
That its time to look within,
That its time to breathe,
That its time to laugh harder,
That its time to live.

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

My depression

My depression is a war,
And I am a lone warrior.
Fighting with myself, Everyday
There is no one beside me,
There is no one here who might possibly win me.
My friend, she talks about the texts she received yesterday
I wish I could tell her, I cried myself to sleep last night
I wish I could show her the scars on my soul
That numb feeling that I get every time I laugh
That numbness like a cold winter night
Leaving me in pain, leaving me helpless.
I know that I don’t show it, but I’m miserable
I feel I let you down, Mom!
I feel I am responsible for the bad things in our lives
I feel I’m the root cause of our problems
I wish I could tell you,
This journey I’m on seems to have a dead end
I wish I could show you but things are foggy
And I’m so tired to fight
I close my eyes, and I count
One, Two, Three,
But my problems just multiply
Two, Four, Nine, Infinite.
And I forgot how to sleep
If I paint my brain out,
It’s a splatter of black and white
I wish I could splash the colours from the rainbow
And fill my heart with life.
Deep breaths. In, Out,
Out of the bed, Sip some coffee,
Another day, another battle,
Trouble existing, Trouble functioning
No one has yet noticed,
Maybe no one ever will,
But in this deep sea of my sorrow,
I will find the surface,
I will learn to survive,
I will learn as I refuse to drown.

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

Mental health problems can affect anyone on any day of the year. Talk about it. Mental Health Matters. 

Image result for mental health day

Of life, Of time, Of space

And yes I am tired
Not of life, not of time, not of space.
You see, I did live, so far, so gay,
With each day, I was more of a human,
Laughing, Crying, Defecating human,
With each song, learning a new emotion.
But still, I am tired
And my daily intake of caffeine, so high
You can measure it from my blood pressure,
Sudden but spiked, Just like Seeing you
Triggers in me an attack of tachycardia.
I am tired but chaotic,
Trust me when I say this,
The comfort of my bed is something that I no more seek
Mom says, I shouldn’t be drinking coffee!
To value her words I switched to tea,
Endless cups of tea,
Brewed to perfection, aromatic,
Peaceful Tea.
But here I am again,
Typing in these words,
I am tired
But not of life, not of time, not of space
No amount of sleep can put me to rest
No amount of hope can put me to peace
No amount of noise can put me to silence
For I am tired
But not of life, not of time, not of space.

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair

If they could.

If these cement covered brick walls could talk,
They would agree on what a beautiful person I am.
They would tell you the tales of my happiness,
Whisper you the secrets that I shared in confidence,
They would count you the hours that I wept
They would stress you the time I caught my breath.
If these cement covered brick walls could talk,
They would sing a tale of how they’ve been my rock.

 

-Roshni Rajshekhar Nair